Arizona Man Steals Bush's Identity

A spoof post by the ONION satirizes a very real problem.

"This is incredibly frustrating," Bush told reporters Tuesday. "Not only does this guy have my credit-card information, he has my Social Security number, all my personal information, and the launch codes for a number of ballistic intercontinental nuclear missiles. I almost don't want to think about it."

"I feel so violated," Bush added.

Bush said he has canceled his credit cards and changed the national-security codes, but he labeled the process a "total nightmare."

"It's a huge ordeal," Bush said. "Everything will be straightened out eventually, but my credit rating and political capital are down the tubes. I asked the FBI, and they aren't even sure how long this guy's had my identity. For all I know, he's started up his own oil refinery somewhere in Alaska."