Agency officials anticipated the problem nearly a decade ago as they looked ahead at the technology needs of the agency, sources said, but it was never made a priority, and now the agency's ability to keep its operations going is threatened. The NSA is already unable to install some costly and sophisticated new equipment, including two new supercomputers, for fear of blowing out the electrical infrastructure, they said...
In response, the NSA is quietly sending pleas to its targets via pre-recorded phone calls, text messages and its super-secret microwave "power of suggestion" feature to voluntarily reduce their volume of communications. (You can activate this at home by pressing the "defrost" button.)
They also asked people to:
The note closes with my favorite of their slogans: "Help the NSA Help You."
- Turn off any encryption, at least until September brings cooler weather to the East Coast.
- Make overseas calls at non-peak hours.
- Directly CC: firstname.lastname@example.org for only the most essential terrorist plotting emails.
- Try to avoid, in conversation or written communications, any non-relevant uses of the phrases 'jihad,' 'pipe bomb' and 'this country is run by incompetent, ideological nincompoops'.
Please do your part -- Remember we are all in this together.